Thirty-four years ago today, I gave birth to my son.
He weighed 8lbs & 14ozs. He was 21 inches long and three days late.
I remember taking a walk through the neighborhood the day before he arrived. The doctor had said that walking often brings on labor. So that's what I did, I walked.
The doc was right. The pains woke me in the night.
I can say with complete confidence that there are no words to describe the pain of childbirth. Insane, absolutely insane. In those days "natural childbirth" was all the rage. Insanity, pure insanity. Have you ever experienced a physical pain that was so intense that you couldn't be still?
I rolled back-n-forth in the hospital bed. I held on to the headboard rail of the bed & rolled. As I lay there, I watched the monitor and was keenly aware of when the next wave of excruciating pain would come.
In those days, hospital protocol was to administer an enema to the mother to be, in preparation for the babies arrival. That's fun...nothing like sitting on the toilet (if you make it that far) while having a contraction at the same time.
There are other procedures they did back in those days that they do not do now. I'll spare you all the gory details, but most importantly there were NO epidurals.
So natural childbirth was the way. Natural, right? God designed our bodies for this, the natural way was to experience every pound, every ounce, every inch of your child's birth. This experience builds the bond, the undeniable bond, with your brand new bundle of joy. Whatever... .. .I beg to differ.
When he arrived, and they handed him to me, he was several shades of blue, purple, and red. He had a cone shaped head (from the salad tongs that were used to help him out of the tight spot he'd been in) in fact, as I type this I realize that perhaps those tongs set the tone for the life to come. Humm.... Anyway, when they handed him to me I remember thinking, this doesn't look like the Gerber baby?!?! I was supposed to have the baby I'd seen on TV, the perfectly colored & proportioned Gerber baby.
Once I was in recovery, they allowed my family in to see me & greet my brand new angel boy. Everyone was there, my mom & dad, my grandmother, my best friend Kim, my brother & his wife, I was surrounded in love & support.
The doctor came in, he stood at the end of the bed. He said "You'll forget this pain and have another. The roads been paved." In that very moment, when I heard those words, I said "No, I will not do this again." And I never did... .. . The entire experience was far to traumatizing. I'll never forget the nurse that was tending to me that day. She said "Honey, if you'd put all the effort into pushing that you're putting into screaming we'd all get outta here allot faster." Really?!?! Seriously?!?! I was a baby having a baby!!!
I wonder where she is today? Most likely she works in a torture chamber somewhere. Or perhaps in a Turkish prison for women!
My pregnancy and birth were not picture perfect, but my love for my son was perfect, is perfect. Undiminished in any way by the circumstances. I fell in love with him from the first moment I held him. With his imperfect coloring, his cone shaped head. He was my angel boy, and still is.
When I look back over the road that he & I have traveled together, I've often wondered why? Why did God think I could handle such an enormous responsibility at such a young age. I've decided that perhaps I'm not to know the why's, but to accept His will for my life, present & past. That's what true faith is, I think. Faith is acceptance. Faith is surrendering.
So as today dawns on 34 years of life with my son. I am grateful. Even with all our imperfections, both his & mine, he remains the BEST thing I've ever done.
Thank you God, for entrusting Shaun to me. The love I have for him is uncontainable, it's palpable, it's real.
Happy birthday my angel boy. Always, my angel boy.
Love,
Mom
He weighed 8lbs & 14ozs. He was 21 inches long and three days late.
I remember taking a walk through the neighborhood the day before he arrived. The doctor had said that walking often brings on labor. So that's what I did, I walked.
The doc was right. The pains woke me in the night.
I can say with complete confidence that there are no words to describe the pain of childbirth. Insane, absolutely insane. In those days "natural childbirth" was all the rage. Insanity, pure insanity. Have you ever experienced a physical pain that was so intense that you couldn't be still?
I rolled back-n-forth in the hospital bed. I held on to the headboard rail of the bed & rolled. As I lay there, I watched the monitor and was keenly aware of when the next wave of excruciating pain would come.
In those days, hospital protocol was to administer an enema to the mother to be, in preparation for the babies arrival. That's fun...nothing like sitting on the toilet (if you make it that far) while having a contraction at the same time.
There are other procedures they did back in those days that they do not do now. I'll spare you all the gory details, but most importantly there were NO epidurals.
So natural childbirth was the way. Natural, right? God designed our bodies for this, the natural way was to experience every pound, every ounce, every inch of your child's birth. This experience builds the bond, the undeniable bond, with your brand new bundle of joy. Whatever... .. .I beg to differ.
When he arrived, and they handed him to me, he was several shades of blue, purple, and red. He had a cone shaped head (from the salad tongs that were used to help him out of the tight spot he'd been in) in fact, as I type this I realize that perhaps those tongs set the tone for the life to come. Humm.... Anyway, when they handed him to me I remember thinking, this doesn't look like the Gerber baby?!?! I was supposed to have the baby I'd seen on TV, the perfectly colored & proportioned Gerber baby.
Once I was in recovery, they allowed my family in to see me & greet my brand new angel boy. Everyone was there, my mom & dad, my grandmother, my best friend Kim, my brother & his wife, I was surrounded in love & support.
The doctor came in, he stood at the end of the bed. He said "You'll forget this pain and have another. The roads been paved." In that very moment, when I heard those words, I said "No, I will not do this again." And I never did... .. . The entire experience was far to traumatizing. I'll never forget the nurse that was tending to me that day. She said "Honey, if you'd put all the effort into pushing that you're putting into screaming we'd all get outta here allot faster." Really?!?! Seriously?!?! I was a baby having a baby!!!
I wonder where she is today? Most likely she works in a torture chamber somewhere. Or perhaps in a Turkish prison for women!
My pregnancy and birth were not picture perfect, but my love for my son was perfect, is perfect. Undiminished in any way by the circumstances. I fell in love with him from the first moment I held him. With his imperfect coloring, his cone shaped head. He was my angel boy, and still is.
When I look back over the road that he & I have traveled together, I've often wondered why? Why did God think I could handle such an enormous responsibility at such a young age. I've decided that perhaps I'm not to know the why's, but to accept His will for my life, present & past. That's what true faith is, I think. Faith is acceptance. Faith is surrendering.
So as today dawns on 34 years of life with my son. I am grateful. Even with all our imperfections, both his & mine, he remains the BEST thing I've ever done.
Thank you God, for entrusting Shaun to me. The love I have for him is uncontainable, it's palpable, it's real.
Happy birthday my angel boy. Always, my angel boy.
Love,
Mom
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