"I'm ok....just confused..."
That's what his text said. A mother knows when her son is struggling. A mother knows... Oh how I wish sometimes that I didn't. But that's not who I am. I'm the mother that knows; that wishes I could take all that hurts my son and absorb it into myself.
I've always jumped in and cleaned up his mess. Like a big sponge absorbes liquid. Had I allowed him to feel the consequences of his own actions as an adolescent, maybe this wouldn't be happening. There are some things that as parents we just can't, or shouldn't fix. I don't know...I just don't know. No need to go over it time and again. It is what it is. I have to live in the now. Living in the past will not serve either of us.
What is it though? What destructively evil afflication, what pestilence, invades someones heart, their mind, to the point that it destroys them? If you ask him, he'll say nothing. Nothing bothers him. He say's he just "likes to drink", it's as simple as that. Well I'm just not buying it. I'm just not. How could that be? How could that possibly be?? I feel strongly there is something more. Something that hurts so deeply that he can't even speak it. Maybe I've seen too many movies...or watched intervention to many times.
In an emotional cry out to God, I express a sense of urgency. I hurt. My entire soul hurts. His situation is dire, it's all too consumingly terrifying. Please God, please intervene and get Shaun back to where he needs to be. Back to treatment. Amen
As I pen this post, there are so many emotions flitting about the page. There's anger, frustration, guilt... .. . Anger because when he hurts, he gets to drown his pain in alcohol. When I hurt, I just get to hurt. Nothing to drown it in for me.
They teach, "Relapse is part of recovery." I'm sorry, I find no comfort in that fact. So I turn to the Great Comforter. I attempt to drown my pain with God's Word. Through scripture & verse.
That's what his text said. A mother knows when her son is struggling. A mother knows... Oh how I wish sometimes that I didn't. But that's not who I am. I'm the mother that knows; that wishes I could take all that hurts my son and absorb it into myself.
I've always jumped in and cleaned up his mess. Like a big sponge absorbes liquid. Had I allowed him to feel the consequences of his own actions as an adolescent, maybe this wouldn't be happening. There are some things that as parents we just can't, or shouldn't fix. I don't know...I just don't know. No need to go over it time and again. It is what it is. I have to live in the now. Living in the past will not serve either of us.
What is it though? What destructively evil afflication, what pestilence, invades someones heart, their mind, to the point that it destroys them? If you ask him, he'll say nothing. Nothing bothers him. He say's he just "likes to drink", it's as simple as that. Well I'm just not buying it. I'm just not. How could that be? How could that possibly be?? I feel strongly there is something more. Something that hurts so deeply that he can't even speak it. Maybe I've seen too many movies...or watched intervention to many times.
In an emotional cry out to God, I express a sense of urgency. I hurt. My entire soul hurts. His situation is dire, it's all too consumingly terrifying. Please God, please intervene and get Shaun back to where he needs to be. Back to treatment. Amen
As I pen this post, there are so many emotions flitting about the page. There's anger, frustration, guilt... .. . Anger because when he hurts, he gets to drown his pain in alcohol. When I hurt, I just get to hurt. Nothing to drown it in for me.
They teach, "Relapse is part of recovery." I'm sorry, I find no comfort in that fact. So I turn to the Great Comforter. I attempt to drown my pain with God's Word. Through scripture & verse.
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