So burdened is my heart & mind. My body, unable to rest, tossing & turning as I try to sleep. My mind is tortured. There are no complete thoughts, only a fractured mess of emotions, fears, and regrets. I try to focus, to pray, but it is to no avail. I am powerless to the demon that holds my thoughts, to the demon that holds my son, to the demon that won't be denied.
I'm thinking of my legacy, only now with a sense of urgency. A motivating awareness to do something, anything...don't just lay here! Then, as my mind searches, like flipping through a stack of index cards (that's always how I picture my mind doing a search), I recall a letter. This is a letter I wrote to Shaun a few years back. While somewhat paraphrased, now the message seems relevant, whether it be his mortality or my own.
Dear Shaun,
There is so much I want to say to you. I want you to know what you've meant to me, what you've brought to my life, how proud I am of you, and how much I love & respect you. You are my greatest accomplishment.
I want to encourage you to open your heart to "love". Tom has taught me what it means to love, and to be loved, and how to have a happy marriage.I will always be grateful to him for that, and I want that for you too, someday…if ever you’re ready.
Make it a point in your life to be a "well read" person. Read all the classics, Tom Sawyer, War & Peace, Pride & Prejudice, Moby-Dick, those are just a few. Perhaps even study World Religion, especially since you like to travel. I can always tell when I’m speaking with a
well read person.
Practice being kind to others. Most people we meet are going through something. Most people we meet are doing the best they can.
Nourish old friendships, they mean the most. A true friend is someone that you can pick up the phone and call, even if you haven't spoken for months, and the conversation simply flows, it's just as easy as if you'd spoken to them yesterday. True friendships have no
expectations, just acceptance and support. You are blessed with many friends like these, reach out to them, they are there.
Remain “graceful” under pressure, be the “calm” in the storm. This is easier said than done, but once mastered, it is the mark of a true leader.
Don’t swear. Those who use foul language appear uneducated.
Be self aware, know your own limitations. Try not to wear your emotions on your sleeve for all to see, and always pause before you speak. Only reveal your true emotions to those you love; family, wife, old friends…the trusted ones.
Family is most important, always, always, always be there for your family. Family forever, always, and no matter what.
There is a delicate balance to life.Without hate, there would be no love, without good, there would be no bad, without challenge, there would be no success…there is a mirror effect to all things.
I’m not quite sure where you stand as far as faith.Faith in God, or some higher power, something bigger than us, but I pray you consider this: What if He is there, what if our journey ends with Him, the ultimate destination. If we’re wrong, then we are, nothing is lost. But if we’re right, then eternity has much to hold for us, and everything is gained.
I love you Shaun. My love for you is indescribable and uncontainable. It is the forever constant in your life. Always.
Love,
Mom
Orignal Publish Date ~ 8/10/11 8:42 PM ~ Pacific Daylight Time
I'm thinking of my legacy, only now with a sense of urgency. A motivating awareness to do something, anything...don't just lay here! Then, as my mind searches, like flipping through a stack of index cards (that's always how I picture my mind doing a search), I recall a letter. This is a letter I wrote to Shaun a few years back. While somewhat paraphrased, now the message seems relevant, whether it be his mortality or my own.
Dear Shaun,
There is so much I want to say to you. I want you to know what you've meant to me, what you've brought to my life, how proud I am of you, and how much I love & respect you. You are my greatest accomplishment.
I want to encourage you to open your heart to "love". Tom has taught me what it means to love, and to be loved, and how to have a happy marriage.I will always be grateful to him for that, and I want that for you too, someday…if ever you’re ready.
Make it a point in your life to be a "well read" person. Read all the classics, Tom Sawyer, War & Peace, Pride & Prejudice, Moby-Dick, those are just a few. Perhaps even study World Religion, especially since you like to travel. I can always tell when I’m speaking with a
well read person.
Practice being kind to others. Most people we meet are going through something. Most people we meet are doing the best they can.
Nourish old friendships, they mean the most. A true friend is someone that you can pick up the phone and call, even if you haven't spoken for months, and the conversation simply flows, it's just as easy as if you'd spoken to them yesterday. True friendships have no
expectations, just acceptance and support. You are blessed with many friends like these, reach out to them, they are there.
Remain “graceful” under pressure, be the “calm” in the storm. This is easier said than done, but once mastered, it is the mark of a true leader.
Don’t swear. Those who use foul language appear uneducated.
Be self aware, know your own limitations. Try not to wear your emotions on your sleeve for all to see, and always pause before you speak. Only reveal your true emotions to those you love; family, wife, old friends…the trusted ones.
Family is most important, always, always, always be there for your family. Family forever, always, and no matter what.
There is a delicate balance to life.Without hate, there would be no love, without good, there would be no bad, without challenge, there would be no success…there is a mirror effect to all things.
I’m not quite sure where you stand as far as faith.Faith in God, or some higher power, something bigger than us, but I pray you consider this: What if He is there, what if our journey ends with Him, the ultimate destination. If we’re wrong, then we are, nothing is lost. But if we’re right, then eternity has much to hold for us, and everything is gained.
I love you Shaun. My love for you is indescribable and uncontainable. It is the forever constant in your life. Always.
Love,
Mom
Orignal Publish Date ~ 8/10/11 8:42 PM ~ Pacific Daylight Time