Time changes things. My dad has always said that. In fact, he said it just yesterday. I smiled. He always says that when you've exhausted all effort, when you've done all you can, just turn over on your back and float (metaphorically speaking). Time changes things...
Obsessiveness. I've thought about it allot lately. I've noticed it. In myself. In the time since my son moved out, each day has gotten a little easier for me. But I have to fight it. The obsessive worry. Is he eating? Is he staying hydrated, with water? Doesn't he need or want the personal items he left here?
I heard that the abuse of alcohol is a maladaptive attempt to self sooth. It is a defense mechanism. A way of dealing with life. When I checked in with his friend he said that things are going "Surprisingly well." He says that he's "Fairly certain Shaun is feeling better about himself." This of course is such a relief! It's also thought provoking. "Better about himself ..." I've actually never thought of how he'd been feeling about himself. It makes sense though. A maladaptive attempt to self sooth.
Upon hearing this news I think; Was his situation really as dire as it seemed when he was here, or was it me? Then I think, nooo...it was his childhood friend that called me out of concern. Then I think, nooo... again, because anyone that develops "Alcohol Induced Pancreatitis" especially chronically, definitely has a problem.
I pick up my phone to text. I don't know why, he doesn't respond for the most part, then I worry more. At least if I'm texting I'm doing something, instead of just waiting. Waiting for the Fire Dept., Police Dept., or hospital to call. Out of a sense of urgency, I text his friend for an update on the situation. As I do, it dawns on me, am I as accused? Shaun said I "micro manage" him. That was never my intention, my only intention was to keep him alive.
I'm not sure I'm a micro manager, but I am definitely "co-dependent". I could be the poster child for co-dependence. Currently I'm reading From Binge to Blackout, an autobiography of a Mother and Son that struggle with the son's alcoholism. In the book the Mom says "Maybe I, too, am moving along, because I now realize that protecting him will no longer serve him." The light bulb in my mind flashes, and I realize that I wanted him here to "protect" him. To know that each day he's alive & breathing. I've never considered my protecting him, even from himself, as co-dependant. That's what it is though, co-dependence.
History. We all have one. Our history helps to develop who we are and even who we aren't. Was his childhood difficult? Yes. Did I always set the best example? No. Does he feel rejection from his father? Yes. This being said; I've always taught Shaun that within ourselves lye's the power to change, to break the cycle, to make different choices, and to write our own story. He is writing his own story. It must be his own; it must be different than mine or his fathers. He continually reaches out to his father in a very sad but vain attempt to know him. I've told him to do what he feels he must do regarding his relationship with his father. I've told him to always "guard your heart". Is it incredibly sad? Yes.
So the self examination and continual adjustments to my daily thinking are on going. In my very near future an Al-Anon meeting awaits... .. .
Originally Published ~ 8/19/11 10:40PM ~ Pacific Daylight Time
Obsessiveness. I've thought about it allot lately. I've noticed it. In myself. In the time since my son moved out, each day has gotten a little easier for me. But I have to fight it. The obsessive worry. Is he eating? Is he staying hydrated, with water? Doesn't he need or want the personal items he left here?
I heard that the abuse of alcohol is a maladaptive attempt to self sooth. It is a defense mechanism. A way of dealing with life. When I checked in with his friend he said that things are going "Surprisingly well." He says that he's "Fairly certain Shaun is feeling better about himself." This of course is such a relief! It's also thought provoking. "Better about himself ..." I've actually never thought of how he'd been feeling about himself. It makes sense though. A maladaptive attempt to self sooth.
Upon hearing this news I think; Was his situation really as dire as it seemed when he was here, or was it me? Then I think, nooo...it was his childhood friend that called me out of concern. Then I think, nooo... again, because anyone that develops "Alcohol Induced Pancreatitis" especially chronically, definitely has a problem.
I pick up my phone to text. I don't know why, he doesn't respond for the most part, then I worry more. At least if I'm texting I'm doing something, instead of just waiting. Waiting for the Fire Dept., Police Dept., or hospital to call. Out of a sense of urgency, I text his friend for an update on the situation. As I do, it dawns on me, am I as accused? Shaun said I "micro manage" him. That was never my intention, my only intention was to keep him alive.
I'm not sure I'm a micro manager, but I am definitely "co-dependent". I could be the poster child for co-dependence. Currently I'm reading From Binge to Blackout, an autobiography of a Mother and Son that struggle with the son's alcoholism. In the book the Mom says "Maybe I, too, am moving along, because I now realize that protecting him will no longer serve him." The light bulb in my mind flashes, and I realize that I wanted him here to "protect" him. To know that each day he's alive & breathing. I've never considered my protecting him, even from himself, as co-dependant. That's what it is though, co-dependence.
History. We all have one. Our history helps to develop who we are and even who we aren't. Was his childhood difficult? Yes. Did I always set the best example? No. Does he feel rejection from his father? Yes. This being said; I've always taught Shaun that within ourselves lye's the power to change, to break the cycle, to make different choices, and to write our own story. He is writing his own story. It must be his own; it must be different than mine or his fathers. He continually reaches out to his father in a very sad but vain attempt to know him. I've told him to do what he feels he must do regarding his relationship with his father. I've told him to always "guard your heart". Is it incredibly sad? Yes.
So the self examination and continual adjustments to my daily thinking are on going. In my very near future an Al-Anon meeting awaits... .. .
Originally Published ~ 8/19/11 10:40PM ~ Pacific Daylight Time
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